found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize