there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
