Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
