My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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