you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
