sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
