I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
