yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
