he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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