I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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