I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
