Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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