The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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