Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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