whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
