i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
