the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
