nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
