dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
