you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
should my penis look like a turkey
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
