I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
