i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Two words: nipple clamps
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