omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
