Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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