And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
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I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
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And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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