hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
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I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
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I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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