just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
