Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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