hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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