im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
