this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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