I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Hippo gnu deer
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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