just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
