Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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