oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
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