I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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