R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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