Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize
