Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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