she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
