we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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