I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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