How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
