I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize