he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
