All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
