Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I could make wine with my vomit
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
