Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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