Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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