you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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