no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
