Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
