i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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