I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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