hotel room ftw
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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