You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
