dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
