Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
