You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She bit a glass in half.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
